Miss someone and create this..

It was raining outside. I sat and tried calling few people. Two of them were in office so could not talk much and one, to whom I wanted to talk most desperately, didn’t pickup. I am not blaming anyone here, but this incident pushed me to think. Think as to why things change in life, why distance changes relationships and how it happens.
There are two complementary theories. I am defining them complementary to begin with but ultimately they will turn out to be supplementary.
The first one says, “Distance strengthens a relationship, love grows stronger”. When I say love, I am taking the most general sense of it not the typical boyfriend girlfriend type but general as in love between friends. And the second one goes like, “Out of sight, out of mind”.
To analyse these theories, we understand that distance is the key driver while there are two possible outcomes, one on either side of the spectrum. One leads to a happy ending where Raj and Simran would almost run into each other when the meet after six months while the other leads to a Ghazni type ending where Simran would even not remember who Raj was. Why and how does it happen?
Every relationship follows a cycle. Relationship initiates, grows stronger, stagnates, declines and then ends. Ends is not necessarily announced but happens when communication level goes to null. The initial two phases of this cycle are the most important nodes which defines as to how long or small the stagnation graph (period) can be and fast or slow the decline would be. Let’s take an example of two casual friends, a boy and girl, who work at office together and go out on few weekends together along with other friends to malls etc. If they do not have a lot of things in common or if they do not intentionally try to build a strong relationship, though there will be an initiation but the growth would be so weak that the stagnation phase would be very small and the decline would be extremely fast when they separate. This process gets a catalyst is either one of them gets a partner to fill the vacuum. So “Long time, no see” become “Long time, Don’t want to see”. On the other hand if they intentionally try to understand each other, develop a bond wherein they feel safe and happy in each other’s presence and their being together becomes a need for both of them, the outcome will be completely different. Their bond would grow stronger with distance and the reunion would be more passionate.
HUH!! I know it’s enough of HRish shit for the day. It was just that I was missing someone. Missing very badly so came up with this. Never mind...Chill is the word. You chill; even I will try doing that.
But before I finish for the day, one interesting line that I listened somewhere....
What ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship....agree??

Raashee

Why look for happiness outside when you can find it within. Funny huh!!! You will easily find such lines in Robin Sharma’s stupid motivational books or the Banyan Tree column of TOI. Most of the times, even I don’t care to either comprehend or even read such lines. But of late few things happened to me which kind of changed my perception.
Mid semester exams were on and I had already appeared for eight papers. One last was left. Six of us, the six most useless people assembled at institute building to discuss the contents of this last paper so that all of us pass. As even my condition in that paper was not very strong, I was fully ready to participate. And please don’t interpret that I was good at other papers, I was bad at almost all of them, it was just that this paper was just too haunting and I had already missed all the surprise tests. But before we could have started, my mom called me up and informed that my bhabhi was blessed with a baby girl. Now that was some news. For a moment the child in me woke up. I wanted to be at home and play with the baby. But the very next moment, the real I came into being. I enquired about arrangements, the hospital cleanliness, bhabhi’s health and a lot of other things. I went back to the assembly to discuss the paper, tried hard to concentrate but somehow could not for most of the times.
The very next day everyone was talking about summer placements. We were informed that some companies were lined up during the holidays and it is advised to stay back. For once, I thought of staying back. The thought was, cannot risk placements. If I go home, I might miss a chance. But then the baby girl was too strong a reason to go back home. And to be truthful here, someone else was also responsible here for my going home. And I am very thankful to that person for taking strong decisions and pushing me also to go back. I would have surely missed something had I not come home that day.
I, along with my brother, reached Bokaro at 12 in the night and the door of the nursing home where the baby was, was closed. So dad, bro and me went back home. The eagerness to meet the baby, see her, touch her grew even stronger. The next day, woke up at time and went to the nursing home to surprise people (My home coming was not known). I entered the room, and I suddenly realized I was in for a surprise, that now I was no longer the youngest member of my family. The first look of the child. It was not the first time that I was looking at a 1 day old baby, but then she was special. She was my brother’s daughter. My parents’ first grandchild. The first girl child of gen next of my family.
She came with a lot of changes. My bro became a father. Father, now that is some responsibility. Being a father meant that all the existing bonds from my bro to other family members grew a bit weak suddenly and she created the strongest bond with him at one go. I felt jealous. But she deserves that. My mom and dad became dada and dadi and suddenly started appearing a bit older to me. I became a chacha. Yet to figure out the responsibilities barring few known ones that I do daily like changing her dress when she pees or preparing milk for her or even singing for her to make hep sleep. But most importantly, my Bhabhi became mother. She is almost my age and we are more like friends. And I guess I am more mature than her but as soon as she became a mother, all the idea of I being more mature or sincere broke.i thought that as a mature individual, I can at max change a process, add profits or own a company but she just gave birth to a new life. A new life that can breathe, drink, cry, make noises and has a capability to grow. A new life which is so delicate that you are afraid to even touch her but still so attractive that you cannot stop yourself from doing that. Her eyes were closed when I first held her. Tongue was rolling and arms were folded tightly within. She was sleeping and there was no movement, but even then she was so attractive that I kept on staring at her. It was after some 30 minutes that she opened her eyes. I thought she was looking at me but it was the tube light that she was more interested in. She kept rolling her eyes for some time and then slept again. I was there with her for the next four hours and every small move of hers caused the same excitement as it did at the first sight. While coming out I realized that for the time I was with her, I did not think of anything other than her and happiness just paved in her path without me looking for it.

Two days...complete contrast

Two days...exactly opposite to each other.
As the exams are fast approaching, studies has soared up the ladder in the terms of priority of life at this point of time. I have been skipping a lot of things to create some extra time for studies but sadly mostly ended up sleeping and not studying.
Yesterday came with a similar choice. Pt Hariprasad Chourasi, The Padma Vibhusan Flute player was playing at Kalidas Auditorium in the campus. PD was very excited about it. I was not, as I wanted to study. But then something happened, may be I thought that I would be able to write a blog on this and listening to him would be a life time experience. So finally PD cope rope in three of us to join him to the concert. I appreciate his efforts because it was raining heavily outside and I would have not gone out in those conditions for anything. So finally four of us reached the auditorium, completely wet (wet as in drenched, don’t think otherwise). Sat there for 15 minutes and realized that though he was great but we still have not developed a taste for classical. We came out and it was raining even worse. But then riding was fun apart from the fact that I almost lost my mobile and wallet to the rain. Later in the night I realized that I did a right thing by going there. I realized that at least I will not spend my hard earned money in future to attend such concerts. But the day as a whole was happy.
Today being a holiday again, woke up late, ate, tried to study and slept again. It was evening when I realized that everyone else was studying and I was an exception. But who cares. One of our Rich and Awesome professors threw a dinner party for all the students and faculty members. It was raining again. Almost the whole batch made it to the party. I have been a public person all through my life. But frankly speaking, I am changing now. I did not like lots of things. I was feeling as if I am just acting laughing there. As if I should not have been there. And the strangest thing about all this is that one of my closest friends here felt the same way. I don’t know if this is because weather or something else but if two people are feeling the same negative vibes then there is something wrong, for sure. I am just hoping that it’s not too bad.
No net connection in hostel today. So will post in tomorrow. Watched two episodes of HIMYM and a episode of Sex and the City and I am feeling so fresh. Thanks Robin, thanks Barney, thanks HBO.

Walk the Talk...

Last two days has been awesome. It was by birth day on 18th and I was at hostel. This situation in itself explains all the pain that I must have gone through in the night. But then I have to explain because there is much more to add to it. 17th eve and a rumour spread that there will be a fee hike for our batch. Obviously everyone got furious. But god why on 17th? This rumour translated into more number of legs hitting my bums, more number of hands pouring sauce and cream on me and more number of people showing up for the celebrations. Even though I was hit very badly, thanks to my room partner for provoking people, but then I enjoyed it. Received calls from almost all the friends and family members from whom I expected the calls barring few, who are in B-Schools. And I forgive them. I understand the pain. I spent the night chatting with a friend. Slept for some three hours and then went to college. It was one happening day. Whole batch was discussing the fee hike and our proposed protest against it. Mr Vinod Gupta, the founder of the college was also expected to visit the campus the same day. Netagiri full on. I was actually enjoying it. Evening went to the hospital here. Was not feeling well. Had my dinner. And then talked to some more friends.
Now I must say that this day was also awesome. My blog on 17th was my first emotional blog and this day was a continuation to the story that made me write that blog. I talked to that special friend (SF) of mine as to what all I felt. It was then that I realized that SF felt the say way and on a much larger scale. If my feeling was lake tullu, SF’s was pacific. In fact SF went on saying that SF’s behaviour towards me changed a bit because few, or a number of, activities of mine made her feel less important. And I agree to her. I became too casual and I should have not behaved like that at moments. But then I seriously disagree with one of SF’s beliefs and I just hope that SF understands that now. It’s all cool between us now and I cannot say how happy I am.
Two days and two important lessons:
1. It’s not always you who drive your life. Circumstances and people around you have a lot of effect of what all happens to you.
2. Don’t take things for granted. Don’t hide things. If you feel that something is going wrong, say upfront on face. And try not to lose the loved ones for some stranger.

I am confused...I am losing...or I am just reacting too much

It was a strange today, one strange day. Yet again one of those days when my emotions fluctuated in a flip flop manner and worse, I was not able to hide those. This whole blog might appear very confusing but that is how the day was. The day started with a confusing decision, whether to attend the first lecture or not. And finally, after a lot of this and that I attended it. Things started off on a happy note with the first class getting finished at just an hour instead of two. We all went to our favourite food joint and that is where this all stated. I seriously hate poseurs. I hate people who behave in two different ways at two different places. I hate people who try to enter my space. And to add to all this, what if they have all the attributes and hobbies that I hate. I define that as an awesome hate effect. That’s what I was going through. In fact I have now started hating the mere presence of few people around me. Two of them for sure. I have been a people’s person or rather am a people’s person and have never felt like this before. But for these two, either I am overreacting or I have changed.
I am sure that this hate has not grown in a day or two. It took some time to build this. But the hate feeling soared up exponentially today because that very presence of the person was affecting my space. That was affecting my interaction with someone whom I treat to be very special. That presence caused me behave awkward with someone whom I wish to share all my emotions with. That presence caused the person to walk off even without asking me if I want to come along. That person is special to me and at some point of time I felt as if I am losing that person to someone with whom I don’t even want to share space. I was not sure about all this and felt that I was just thinking too much. I thought that I was the only one who did not like that presence of the person, but then suddenly two more joined me. We never bitched about it but understood very fast that we all were on the same boat creating the same sense of dislike.
For once I am not sure how to behave or what to do. Should I talk to the ‘special person’ because I want that person to know this, as we promised that we will not hide anything we don’t like? Or should I just let it go and see how things work out because I am not sure as to how that person feels about the ‘presence’? It’s a confusing day and given that tomorrow is my birthday I need a miracle to happen so that my mood gets better in some two hours. I will act, at least for today because I don’t want to hurt a numerous good friends for all that is happening to me.

Independence Day

I woke up at 1 in the afternoon today. Had a bath and late lunch. Freaked around here and there till 4 in the evening. Surfed net a bit and then played cricket in the evening. Late evening was dedicated to bath and doing nothing. Friends went out for a dinner but I did not join then because I was getting too lazy to walk or drive, drive cycle. At 11 in the night I am writing this blog. One more day passed, one more Independence Day passed.
This day happened to be a day on importance when I was a kid. I still remember the day when I would wake up early on this day, dress in white, go to school to attend the flag hosting and parade. In fact I was a part of the parade. Sweets were distributed to all the students. Back home the whole family used to sit together and have specially cooked lunch and dinner together discussing things like freedom fighters and their battle against British rulers. But then things have changed, certainly.
I was coming back from Tech market yesterday when I met Col. Gill on the road near hospital. He was on his regular evening walk. He asked me as to what my plans were for the coming weekend and I said that I am planning to go to Kolkata. He replied, “You should not go tomorrow”. I said, “Why”. And his reply was, “I hope remember that tomorrow is Independence Day and you will find a lot of crowd everywhere”. Frankly speaking I was ashamed. Ashamed because I forgot that the next day was Independence Day. The feeling in itself was sinking. Later in the night I read the notice regarding the Flag Hosting at Institute main building. Now that was my chance to get my acts right. I planned that I will surely attend this celebration. But then, what you plan and what you do, don’t always run on the same track.
This afternoon, about 1 hour after I woke up, Swati called me up and told me that she attended the function. And yet again ashamed was what I was. This time ashamed for not doing this much even as a token of respect and gratitude for all those who sacrificed their lives to give us this day.
I am not promising anything to anyone, but I am apologising for spending this day like the way I spent it today. Forgive me!!!

Life..the IIT way

I am an IIT student and that happened on 21st July when I joined VGSOM at IIT Kharagpur. Kharagpur is a small city, or better town, approximately 2 hours away from Kolkata. I don’t know much about the town because since the day I have come here at the campus, I have never been to the town. It’s not that the town is an amazing place to visit I am missing something by not going there but the truth is that town has not much to offer apart from few malls and a Railway Platform which is the largest in Asia. Let’s now concentrate on the IIT part. I still remember that day when I entered the campus for the first time. It was raining, not heavy though. It was not that first time that I was visiting IIT KGP. I came here in 2006 also to attend Spring Fest. But this time the timeframe, the story and the emotions were completely different. I was going to be a part on an Institute that every engineering aspirant dreamt of. Though they dream more about getting a B Tech from here and not MBA but then even the MBA from here is worth it. The very idea of spending coming two years at a college and that too IIT was kicking. I felt proud when I was entering the campus. Felt proud for becoming an IITan, 7 years late though. Campus here is huge, some 1200 acres in total. All the students, most of them, have their own cycles to roam in the campus. My school is some 500 mts away from my hostel so cycle is a need. But its fun. Riding a cycle, racing with mates, doing stunts on it, its all fun. Initial few days were roller coaster. Lots of classes, lots of assignments and on the top of that few of faculty members were not satisfied with that so they came up with surprise tests in their subjects. It was all difficult in the beginning but now, who cares. I think I am gelling with the system now and these pains are becoming part of life fast. IIT can boast of having the best infrastructure in India. You name it and they have it here. Olympic sized swimming pool, a Cinema hall sized gym, wood finished Indoor stadium, three huge auditoriums and what not. Frankly speaking I am yet to see places.
But for a person like me, people are more important than buildings. I guess I got lucky here also. Got an old friend who joined the college along with me, so finding friends initially was never a problem. I already had someone whom I could call friend. People are good, generally. Few of them are very rude also but they are everywhere, not just here. What? Did u say girls? What is that? Ohh ok...we do not have a lot of them here in IIT. Engineering colleges are famous for not having girls. Though my engineering college was an exception. But then situation is real bad here. I pity the UG guys. They need girls at their age. Not having girls to hang around with might affect their growth, mentally and physically. But why just UG. The situation at PG is no great. Its a well known fact here in IIT that the school of management and school of law are the only places in IIT which can boast of having beautiful girls in the campus. Its true. VGSOM has been a leader in this aspect till last year. This year we are facing stiff competition from Law School. But I am still not satisfied. The reason being that I left a B- School (yes its your college sheen) which is like Pacific Ocean of crazy beauties and I am comparing VGSOM with that college in this regard. I know that the comparison is not fair, but cannot help it. Wuff...lots about girls. Enough for today.
Life is good here. I just hope the placements happen on the same lines at it happened last year.
May god bless us all!!!